lada's Adventures in Wonderland

Creepster Deluxe
I have a weirdo neighbor.
The day the moving truck was here, most of our neighbors stopped by to briefly introduce themselves and then leave (as we were obviously busy with moving men). Not Pat - this guy comes over and doesn't leave. He stays way past the who-are-you-where-are-you-from conversation and well into the awkward so-how-about-this-weather stage. And our relief at his eventual departure was short lived because he came back an hour later to blah, blah, blah.First, I am not interested in the cat this guy is "fostering" for the week and secondly, even if his cat was über interesting, I wouldn't be able to follow the conversation about it because Pat has this funny eyes rolling into the back of his head/closed eyelids way of talking that makes you think he is having a seizure. And while you're busy trying to figure out what in god's name is happening to him you completely miss everything he just said about the wild rabbit he saw the other day that he gave a carrot. Ahh! Go away.
And just in case I thought maybe the guy was just being friendly - yesterday Pat (I'm mean really, your name is PAT? This douche is the picture of a pedophile. Single male, early fifties, has a new pet to foster every week. "Come here little children, pet my bunny...") knocks on our door. Russ answers and listens to Pat tell him about the new dog he is getting and "Oh, I just moved here from North Carolina and I am going to register my car tomorrow. You have to pay property taxes; so, if you want to tell me your car types and serial numbers, I could probably register your's while I'm there. I mean, I don't know if ya'll want to just give me a blank check or what, but it would save you a trip downtown."
Let me think - Pass.

Let's do the time warp again
I really didn't know what people meant when they said the South was slow. And I would ask and no one could ever really explain what they meant. Now I get it. I leave on an errand that I expect to take half an hour and four hours later I am getting home wondering what the hell happened. I don't think I have ever heard so much idle chit chat with the Target checkout lady in my life. She really doesn't need to know that the rug is the perfect color to match your living room - just pay for it and move on. Oh crap you have to write a check? Who writes checks at Target? EVERYONE! And of course, we can't write it out while she is scanning your twenty back to school folders - oh no - we don't even start looking for the checkbook in the massive shoulder bag until we have the grand total.
And the heat, my god, man. The heat. If I bring one drink in the car thinking I will only be gone for twenty minutes, I am parched three hours later in line at Bed Bath and Beyond. However, if I bring more than one drink, thinking I am planning ahead, it is undoubtedly boiling after only an hour sitting in my black car. This means I have to stop at Sonic to get a monster cherry limeade which adds another ten minutes to my trip. I heart Sonic.

What is that growing on my breast?
Kroger doesn't sell skinless chicken. No, I am not lying or mistaken. How can this be possible? Thinking back, I don't believe I have ever bought chicken that had skin on it. . . ever. Mostly because it is ridiculously bad for you. Did South Carolina not get this memo? WTF

Lot's more to tell, but the in-laws and nephew (originally thought they were coming this Saturday - that got bumped up to possibly Wednesday or Thursday) called a couple hours ago to let me know they had made it to Tennessee and will be spending the night there and heading our way tomorrow. (Insert just about any line from Deadwood here!) I don't even have a washer and dryer yet. Anyway, gotta go unpack more dirty linens for the guest rooms.

If you're ever on Jeopardy: The highest temperature ever recorded on Earth was 136 degrees in El Azizia, Libya in 1922.

- Ob-la-di Ob-lada