Why Did the Sloth Cross the Road?

Every moment of the past two weeks has been an adventure. Some moments were thrilling, some were so beautiful I wanted to cry, some were. . . well, how can I put this delicately. . . uncomfortable, some were relaxing, and there was one moment that left all three of us cowering under our sheets in fright. My total numbers ended up like this: 9 mosquito bites, 1 puking-on-the-side-of-the-road hangover, 2 bitchin bruises, 14 straight days of rain, 1 call to the front desk at 1:30 in the morning about a bug in our hotel room, 1 minor sunburn, and 0 diseases/parasites. The rain I won't complain about too much. We knew we were going to a rain forest in the rainy season (I took this picture in the Monteverde Cloud Forest) but by the end of the trip, our suitcases were smelling more than a little dank and I was really hoping to be able to dry out once I got back to the States; but alas, the weekend I spent in Indiana was just as wet as the Costa Rican rainforest.

I have been itching to sit down and get these stories down on (virtual) paper before I start forgetting details, but now that I finally have my laptop open in front of me, it seems like such a monumental tasks. So many things to remember, I don't even know where to start.

I'll start with the sloth
On our way to the river to go white water rafting, we came upon a sloth in the road. We stopped in the street and got out, though I assumed it was road kill because he didn't appear to be moving much. Lucky for the sloth, he was quite alive. He was just having a rather difficult time crossing the road because when they are not hanging from trees, sloths use their arms to pull themselves along on their bellies, and there are not many handholds for a sloth on a paved road.

And although we had traffic stopped on our side of the road, he kept trying to cross to the other side where the traffic (which included a large number of Mack trucks) was not showing any signs of slowing. Our guide kept grabbing the poor guy by his hind legs and pulling him back away from the center of the road, but the determined sloth would just re-start his sloooow moving pace to get to the other side of the road.

Eventually, our guide Danny, picked him up by the scruff on his lower back and carried him safely to the other side where he made himself much more comfortable back in the first tree he could find.

Quote of the day - some Irish guy pointing to his head: "It's not just a hat rack!"

- lada is business in the front and a party in the back

Don't Let Your Brain Get Mushy

While I am gone - something to entertain and stimulate and frustrate and amuse and confuse. I finally got sick of trying at number 92. (See if you can beat that, suckers.) Some I can explain the answers, some I cannot - but perhaps you can. For instance, number 43 is Tom Cruise - what does that mean? Oh, and I do highly encourage team work (it is the only way you have a shot of beating me, mwa ha ha.) It takes a minute to load so be patient. Good luck.

HINTS IF YOU NEED THEM:
4. Literally
15. Basketball
17. Don't click it unless it is the right answer
18. My, my, my, my music hits me so hard
29. Egg mayonnaise
32. Sham - poo
33. Literally
40. The other finger
45. Potatoes Fly. (1)Indeed (2)WRONG (3)Why not? (4)R U crazy
55. Which game system do you play?
57. Sesame Street (AH, AH, AH!)
59. Fast finger
64. Not a dozen
66. lada will never, ever use more than one in a row
67.
75. Under the 75 quick!
76. Sing the song (or listen to my wedding CD)
83. Would you rather read or solve math problems?
86. Shrek's father-in-law
87.
91. Rip

If you're ever on Jeopardy: Rhode Island is the smallest state with the longest name. The official name, used on all state documents, is "Rhode Island and Providence Plantations."

- lada will blow you a raspberry (cause apples and pears are mean)

Nerves of Pudding

Heather and Stacy and I are taking a trip. To Latin America. Why aren't we going to Orlando like all the other normal tourists, you ask? Because we are adventure seekers! (Or something like that.) Actually I am a bit nervous about my approaching trip to Costa Rica.

Vaccines the Center for Disease Control recommends:
Hepatitis A
Hepatitis B
Malaria
Rabies
Typhoid
Yellow Fever
Tetanus booster
Measles booster

Of course I didn't get any of these vaccines. Why? I am lada (read: an idiot). I laugh in the face of danger and disease. Hahahaha! Of course, if I swallow a mosquito while I am laughing hysterically, I am screwed. . .
In reality, I am not going to have sex with any of the locals so we can rule out Hep. B. I will wear insect repellent (they still sell it with DEET down there, whoopee!) so rule out Yellow Fever and Malaria. I will definitely be sticking to bottled water so knock off Hep. A and Typhoid. I don't plan on getting close enough to any of the monkeys to let them bite me which takes care of Rabies and Tetanus. And anything that is left, I am going to leave in the very capable hands of the two medical doctors who are going to be sharing my hotel room. (On that note, Heather is graduating this weekend - she is a rock star. Maybe, if I get the Typhoid, I can be her first official patient as an M.D. What a story to tell our grandchildren, Heed!)

A description of the driving conditions in Costa Rica:

. . . driving in Costa Rica is for people with nerves of steel. The roads vary from good (the Interamericana) to barely passable (just about everywhere else). Even the good ones can suffer from landslides, sudden flooding and fog. Most roads are single lane and winding, lacking hard shoulders; others are dirt-and-mud affairs that climb mountains and traverse rivers.
Drive defensively. Always expect to come across a cyclist, a broken-down vehicle, a herd of cattle, slow-moving trucks or an ox cart around the next bend. Unsigned speed bumps are placed on some stretches of road without warning. (The locals lovingly refer to them as muertos, ‘dead people.’)
Most roads are inadequately signed and will require at least one stop to ask for directions. Always ask about road conditions before setting out; a number of roads become impassable in the rain.

The problem with this is the first sentence, "driving in Costa Rica is for people with NERVES OF STEEL." Umm, do you people know me? I do not have any nerves when it comes to driving in the rain. Especially at night, in the fog, on one-lane, winding mountain roads. I need a drink just thinking about it. And drinking probably won't help the overall situation. Did I mention cell phones don't work. Sweet life.

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh Crap
Scorpions, tarantulas, snakes, and even frogs.

Different kind of frogs, for example a small red one, are poisonous and should not be touched. If it should happen by accident, do not touch your mucous membranes of the eye, mouth or nose which can absorb the poison. Be sure to wash your hands well after being in the wild.

Did I mention the tarantulas? So, this is what it boils down to for me. . .

What a choice. We are leaving on Wednesday (so say your final farewells before we go) and after ten days in Costa Rica, a stop in South Bend to play bridesmaid, and another stop in Indianapolis for the Indy 500, I will be getting home on Memorial Day.

If you're ever on Jeopardy: In the interest of science, researches exposed their chests, arms and legs to a swarm of mosquitoes. They recorded as many as 9,000 bites per person, per minute. At that rate, an unprotected person would lose about half of his blood supply in two hours.

- lada's the sound that's buzzing 'round your head

Where am I?

Two situations where I felt out of place:

I went to the doctor the other day and noticed that I was the only white person there – the ten or so other patients, the receptionist, the assistants, the doctor – all black. And although I felt like everyone was looking at me wondering what the white girl was doing there, I sat there determined to make this office visit just like any other doctor visit because I am not affected by the color of a person’s skin. And not only was I determined to make this visit like any other doctor’s office visit, but five minutes into the wait and I had already decided that I was going to keep this doctor as my regular doctor and come back every year because, dammit, I am not affected by the color of a person’s skin.

It is a fairly nice office after all, I thought to myself while sitting in the waiting room, it looks clean and modern; it isn’t like it is in the ghetto or anything. NO WAIT! If I say that this office isn’t in the ghetto, am I then implying that another office with all black people would be in the ghetto? Am I treading on “Barrack is clean” ground? But I didn’t mean it that way! I'm not affected by the color. . . (whimper)

Of course by the end of the visit I knew I wasn’t going back – not for any racial reasons - the visit was fine. The problem was the shady doctor scheduled me for another appointment in six months. She didn’t even ask, just wrote me a prescription for only six months and handed me a slip of paper on my way out with my next appointment printed on it. I didn’t even get to pick the day of the week. This is a problem for me because I should only need to go in every twelve months to get my prescription and my insurance only covers one check up a year so I would have to pay for this silly six month visit out of my own pocket. Not happening, people. Dr. Heather agreed with me that it was a cheap scam for the office to get more money.
So, time for a new doctor.

Situation 2:

A couple weeks ago I was in Palm Springs for work. They set us up at pretty nice resort and gave us an afternoon out of the conference room to enjoy the California weather. They also gave us some spending cash, so that day I headed over to the resort’s spa for a little R & R. Now picture the type of person you think would be in Palm Springs, at a resort, at a spa - are you picturing a some rich, too tan women? I know what you didn’t picture is a group of guys who work at Guitar World. They were apparently also there for a work conference and were also taking the afternoon off.
So there I sit in the relaxation room waiting for my manicure appointment. I am the only one dressed. I am the only female. I am surrounded by a bunch of big, burly, mohawked, tattooed, middle-aged men in short, white, terrycloth bathrobes. They are sitting around holding their glasses of cucumber water waiting for their various spa treatments and having discussions like this one:

Potbelly: Rose is doing my facial today
Braided Goatee: Hell yeah! Rose is the best. I had her yesterday. I got the cleansing mask.
Potbelly: I heard she was really good. I'm stoked.
Braided Goatee: Rock on, dude.

Just another relaxing day at the spa.

If you're ever on Jeopardy: If you have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

- lada is an open book (but you don't know which page to turn to, do you?)