Pride

The gay pride parade was this past weekend. It is supposed to be the biggest party this side of Mardi Gras. I'm bummed I didn't get a chance to go before I move. It is awesome that George Takei was the Grand Marshal.

Ozzie Guillen (manager of the White Sox) made a statement at a press conference toward a specific journalist who had been critical of him in an article -- Guillen called him a "fucking fag." My blood began to boil as soon as I heard it, but no one else really seems to care. He was suspended for one game and has to pay a fine. Then the General Manager, Ken Williams, made a statement saying something to the effect of - Ozzie is going to go to sensitivity training classes. We are going to fix this. If I need to go to sensitivity classes with him, I will. . . my wife would probably appreciate it - and he chuckled because he thought he was witty and the press all laughed along with him. I however, fail to see what is funny. Would this black man have been supporting Ozzie and cracking jokes if Guillen had called the guy a nigger? Hell no! But the story went away when the Sox hit grand slams in three straight games. . . because we needed to focus on what was really important, the game. Fuck you Ozzie.

I am embarrassed to live in a society where people cannot marry the person they love. It is sad that my children are going to look at this time and see oppression. I'm mortified that my grandchildren will wonder what the hell we were thinking -- we really thought we had the right to tell another human being who they could love? They will look at my generation through the same eyes I use when I look back on the ignorant people who thought blacks should work the fields and women were too gentile to be allowed to participate in politics. I am embarrassed to be a part of this history.

I just watched Brokeback Mountain for the first time yesterday. I cried. This is one of those movies that when you finish it, you want to talk about it. So I called a friend. I told him I had just finished the movie and thinking he was being clever, he responded, "Was it gay?"

Look people - I am tired of correcting you, so I'm going to say it now, in print, so if you don't get it the first time, you can go back and reread it. And if you still don't get it, know that I will stop speaking to you because you were obviously dropped on your head as an infant.

If you are not using the word to mean either cheerful or homosexual, then you should not be using it. Gay does not mean lame, stupid, wack, boring or any other negative adjective.

If you jackasses can't get that through your heads I am going to have to start choking people. And you better believe I will use a sexy spiked leather collar and a ball gag to do it.

Quote (lyrics) of the day - Weezer: When I think I found a good old-fashioned girl, then she puts me in my place / If everyone's a little queer, why can't she be a little straight? / I'm dumb, she's a lesbian. I thought I had found the one.

- lada likes girls who are boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they're girls

True Friendship - None of that Sissy Crap

I copy and pasted this from an email my mother-in-law forwarded me:

Here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces - just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry individual who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will try to calm your nerves, unless it is something silly then I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy (drunk) ass, but then I will help you get up.

Remember. . . A good friend will help you move. . . a REALLY good friend will help you move a body. . . let me know if you ever need me to bring a shovel.

Send this email to ten of your closest friends, then get depressed if you can only think of four.

Always remember: when life hands you lemons, make lemonade - when life hands you tomatoes, call me and we'll make bloody marys!

- lada

I like my spaghetti with a side of murder

The four best bar conversations of the (four-day-birthday-extravaganza) weekend:

Scene 1
(guy wearing a Sponge Bob Squarepants t-shirt trying to hit on gogo)

Spongy: Did ya'll grow up in Chicago?
Karen: No
lada: Did you grow up in a pineapple under the sea?
Spongy: (really excited) Oh, hey! You watch the show?
Karen: Not really
Spongy: You know the humor is really more adult oriented.
Karen: --
lada: --
Karen: Check please.


Scene 2
(if you wear a Germany shirt during the World Cup, the German boys will come a runnin' )

Dummkopf: I hate my vife. I am going to kill her.
Karen: Uh. . .
Dummkopf: No, I vill kill her. I vill get an American to come back to Deutschland vith me - because American's cannot drive sticks* - and the American will drive over her. And then he can say "Oops, I do not know vat happened, I do not know how to drive." It vill cost me, eh, five or six hundred thousand dollars. But I hate her.
lada: I wouldn't do that.
Dummkopf: I vill kill my vife.
lada: Umm, I can only recommend you don't kill anyone.
Dummkopf: Give me your number; ve vill go out tonight.
lada: I'm married; I don't give out my number.
Dummkopf: But your eyes are so green I cannot even vatch the match vithout being distracted.
lada: (putting on sunglasses) I am married; I don't give out my number.
Dummkopf: I understand. Ve vill go out, but there vill be no touching.
lada: I'm married; I never give out my number.**
Dummkopf: I vill give you my number - promise you vill call me tonight?
Karen: NEIN


Scene 3
(three of us eating in a booth big enough for six - suddenly a random guy decides to use our extra space - he plops his ass down in our booth, turns his back to us and leans across the aisle to talk to his friends at another table)

Karen: (under her breath) Holy space invaders
lada: HEY! Get up! You're sitting on my imaginary friend!
Space Invader: What?
lada: My imaginary friend Harvey - you're sitting on him!
Space Invader: (guy looks down and scoots over a little) Uh, my bad.
lada: Tell him you're sorry.
Space Invader: Umm? Hey man, I'm sorry I. . .
lada: Don't call him "man" - he is a rabbit.
Space Invader: An imaginary rabbit? Like a hippity-hoppity rabbit?
lada: They prefer the term "hip-hop rabbit" these days.
Space Invader: --
lada: Apologize!
Space Invader: Harvey, I'm sorry I. . .
lada: He's not down there; look up. He's a very tall rabbit.
Space Invader: Harvey, I'm sorry I sat on you. Okay?
lada: Yup


Scene 4

lada: I used to sneak raw spaghetti when I was a kid. I would hide it under my pillow and eat it during my naps. It's good, but it gets stuck in your teeth.
preEsquire: I used to eat raw spaghetti too! You take a big handful and crunch through. . .
lada: You ate handfuls at once? I only ate one noodle at a time -- you're weird.
preEsquire: Yeah well, I didn't hide it under my pillow.
lada: Touché

Quote of the weekend - Evan: If they had blown up the Sears Tower there would be a lot more job openings for lawyers. There are several firms in there . . . I can't believe I just said that.

- lada dances with the devil in the pale moonlight

* I'm not sure which I find more offensive - a man planning the murder of his wife or a German who assumes an American cannot operate a manual transmission. This girl has mad shifting skills, scheisskopf!
** Well sometimes I give out the number to the rejection hotline: (773) 509-5027. Go on - call it.

Yup

My boss took his thirteen year old son to Home Depot. There was a big sign that said "Grill Sale". His son asked "Grills for your car or for your teeth?"

sweet

Today's Theme: The gobble

"Me like cookies"
Remember when Cookie Monster noshed on chocolate chip cookies? I have been out of the Sesame Street loop for a while now, but having spent the weekend with my four year old niece, I learned this very important fact: Cookie Monster no longer sings "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me" he now sings "A cookie is a sometimes food" and spends most of his time shoveling in fruits and veggies (which means my eating habits are apparently wack). The C-Monster also revealed that before eating his first cookie, his name was Sid. Go now, tell the people what you have learned.

My Red Spot is Bigger than Yours
Jupiter used to have one Great Red Spot (GRS). Now it has a second spot, affectionately known at NASA as Red Spot Jr. Junior is about half the size of GRS (making it about the size of Earth) and is moving eastward, while GRS is moving westward. What will happen when the two meet on July 10th? According to Sky and Telescope Magazine:

"We don't know what will happen," says de Pater. "Will the small one be shred to pieces? Will it be gobbled up . . . it's hard to predict what might happen. "

I hope GRS is hungry.

"Fukui-san!"
I have seen my fair share of Iron Chef - I've played the drinking game during the New Year's Eve marathon, I was very impressed by the squid ink ice cream, etc. - but the episode we watched on Saturday night takes the cake. The main ingredient : Bacon. Ten whole bacon filled courses.
G. lorious.

Google Search O' the Day
Tim gobbles his food, talking to his date with his mouth full.
Karen gobbles pills to keep calm.
Dave gobbled hungrily on Tiffany's soft mouth.

The rest are a bit too steamy to post here.

If you're ever on Jeopardy - Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots. I'm not sure how he felt about cookies.

- lada slices and dices

The girls

Green Eggs and What?

I like SPAM.
You heard me. I know, I know, it is meat in a can. I am not generally a pro-overprocessed meat kind of girl:
1) Bologna is just bad
2) You know when you reach into a package of hotdogs to pull one out and the raw hotdog juice gets on your hand and then no matter how many fruity soaps you use, your fingers smell like raw hotdogs for days. . . (shudder) I hate that
3) Those disk-like pieces of turkey that come in Lunchables are way too uniformly round for me (at least McNuggets come in two vaguely different shapes)

So why is SPAM different? Okay yes, I admit that the suction noise SPAM makes when (after giving it a couple good shakes) it plops out of the can coated in some jellied substance is odd. I agree with you - the fact that it comes in a variety of flavors (garlic, cheese, hot & spicy) does not give it a particularly stellar rating on the "meat quality scale". The thing about SPAM is it tastes really good; on toast with eggs - thrown on the grill covered in cheese (SPAMburger) - mixed up with hash browns and pan fried. Yum, yum!

(The reason lada is an anonymous blogger)
Two years ago I went to the SPAM Museum in Minnesota. My dad and I were helping Karen move from Seattle to Chicago (in a U-Haul) and Austin, MN was on the way. There was a movie about the history of SPAM, a display of the old packaging, and SPAM merchandise (Karen got a tee that says “SPAM Princess.”) Then we went to the restaurant across the street and had SPAM sandwiches and fries for lunch – tasty!

Recipes:
SPAM a L'orange
1 box Macaroni and Cheese
1 can SPAM (diced)
1 cup Tang

Hawaiian SPAM Sandwich
1 can of SPAM (sliced and browned)
Pineapple rings
Slices of cheddar cheese
Hamburger buns (toasted)

In Summery:
SPAM Ingredients: Chopped pork shoulder meat with ham meat added, Salt (for binding, flavor, and firmness), Water (to help in mixing), Sugar (for flavor), Sodium Nitrite (for color and as a preservative)
A bargin at any price
TREET is not SPAM
SPAMalot- Best Musical, Winner 2005 Tony Award
"SPAM SPAM SPAM Humbug" (cheat code in Ultima IV)
Monty Python SPAM Skit

If you're ever on Jeopardy: Hormel Spiced Ham needed a catchier name. They came up with a cunning plan - they offered $100 prize for a new memorable name. The prize was won by a brother of a Hormel executive, when at a New Year's Eve party he suggested the name "SPAM". A legend was born.

adal & MAPS

noun: one's attendants or associates

In anticipation of the third season of Entourage starting June 11th -

Here is a web sight that has all the bad Japanese commercials Hollywood's finest have done (a la "Chinatown.") Arnie's are the scariest, but Pitt's "ass spots" for Edwin Jeans are my personal faves. - Japander

An actual HBO sponsored site (make sure to run your mouse over the various pictures of Ari) - Let's Hug It Out Bitch

Because you have nothing better to do - Movie mistakes

- lada rolls with her homies

Wintergreen Road

- lada hearts SoCa