Oh Yes, This Is Nasty

Dear Heather,
I know you don't like your feet. Although the rest of us see them as perfectly normal, cute little feet, you think they are ugly and dislike people looking at them (let alone touching them). Well, a local radio station is running a contest for the ugliest feet. Here are a few of the choicest entries.

Seriously, compared to these, you could be a foot model. Go buy yourself some strappy sandals, love.

If you're ever on Jeopardy: The skin on the soles of your feet is twenty times thicker than anywhere else on your body.

- what is lada's major malfunction?

Room #201

I am in my hotel room in Raleigh and there is something funny going on in room #201. I know this because I am in room #203. I am currently going back and forth between two working theories of what exactly is happening next door:

1. He is taking his time torturing and/or killing her
2. They are fucking like pumas

I am fairly sure it is the latter, but every once in a while, the yelling and thumping reach such a loud pitch that it really makes me wonder. I suppose if he were physically harming her, she would probably be yelling something like, "help!" or maybe, "please stop torturing and/or killing me!" or at least, "ouch, these thumbscrews hurt!"
What she is yelling (over and over and over in that my-brain-is-too-preoccupied-to-think-of-anything-new-to-say kind of way) is, "damnbabydamnbabydamnbaby!" I also heard him say something one time, but I shall not repeat it in mixed company; however, to give you an idea, it was in the middle of what sounded like a spanking (or some sort of slapping torture) and a period of particularly fierce wall thumping.
The thing is, I really am a prude about this kind of thing. Granted, I am a 26-year-old prude not a 90-year-old prude, but some things still make me blush. I have thought about knocking on the wall to alert them to my presence, but the problem is, I am too nice. They really sound like they are in the middle of something quite. . . er, intense, and a sudden intrusion from a stranger would be a mother of a mood killer. I just picture the shocked, then embarrassed looks that would be on both of their faces. (I am only picturing faces, mind you - nothing below the neck.) Then in the morning we would both walk our of our rooms at the same time and would look over at each other and try not to make eye contact. Then the three of us would get stuck riding in the elevator together - awkward.

If you're ever on Jeopardy: The largest number of children born to one woman is recorded at 69. From 1725-1765, a Russian peasant woman gave birth to 16 sets of twins, 7 sets of triplets, and 4 sets of quadruplets. (There, that should keep at least some of you from having sex tonight.)

- lada is killing you softly with her song

Panda Panda Panda

• Remember Genarlow Wilson, the poor kid thrown in prison for getting some? His ten year prison sentence has been voided. YAY! But then the Georgia Attorney General filled an appeal, so he is still behind bars. BOO! (Here is the ESPN article that Tim sent to me if you want all the details.)
  Georgia is pretty low on my state list right now. What good comes out of that state? And don't say peaches because South Carolina grows more peaches than Georgia. (Oh and the Braves. Come on, really?)
  
• Since six of the seven wonders of the world don't exist anymore, the world is voting on what the new wonders should be. (Just don't vote for the Eiffel Tower, please.)
  
• In case you aren't sure, here is what you should do after you've won the lottery.
  
• I saw (and killed) my first black widow yesterday. I have nothing more to say about that.
  
• Another great story that Tim sent me. This one is about a roller coaster losing power while the train was upside down. Yikes.
  
  

  

• I know this post isn't very enlightening, but at least I can make you laugh with a fifteen second video of an amusing panda. (Let this one load before you watch it - patience is a virture.)

Quote of the day - comedian: "I have a confession, I am addicted to hot turkey sandwiches. The only way I am going to be able to quit is to go cold turkey."

(Oh come on, you know something in this post made you giggle.)

- lada is armed to the teeth

I'll Only Complain About This Once

It is depressing that an amazingly well written show like Studio 60, is being cancelled because the ratings are not as high as some other lame show NBC has like Deal or No Deal.
You can watch a couple great scenes from Thursday night's Studio 60 here. Or (if you still read) this is a part of the transcript:

(Crisis: Matt walks in and finds Harriet on her knees praying)

Matt: Does that ever just feel like busy work?
Harriet: No.
Matt: We’ve been having this fight for eight years haven’t we?
Harriet: Yes, and you’ve lost every time.
Matt: Mary Tate is upstairs talking to people on the phone who do things and you’re kneeling and praying? As if that’s action.
Harriet: It is.
Matt: Harry. . .
Harriet: ‘My people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves and pray that I will hear them from Heaven and will forgive their sins and will heal their land.’
Matt: You are believing in a fairy tale.
Harriet: I am believing that God protects his children.
Matt: Then why the hell didn’t he give the hijackers massive coronaries before they reached for the box cutters?
Harriet: I can’t explain God’s ways to you because I can’t understand them myself. No one can.
Matt: Well, isn’t that convenient for God.
Harriet: I would imagine if I were God, I would make things as convenient for myself as possible.
Matt: Do you understand that this represents an inexplicable lapse of common sense?
Harriet: It’s not a weakness to have faith.
Matt: It’s not a weakness to take responsibility either.
Harriet: I don’t disapprove of what you believe.
Matt: You think I am going to burn in Hell for what I believe!
Harriet: Yeah, I do worry about that. . .
Matt: Isn’t it possible that Mary got pregnant by another man and Joseph stepped up so that his wife wouldn’t get stoned to death by the village?
Harriet: No.
Matt: It’s more likely that an angel inseminated her and she gave birth to a magical wizard who could rise from the dead?
Harriet: He’s not David Copperfield!
Matt: Why do you have to believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ to know that robbing a bank is wrong and picking someone up off the ground is right?
Harriet: That’s like asking why you think you need to believe in gravity to know if you throw a rock off a ledge it is going to hit somebody in the head.
Matt: Science isn’t something you believe in – science has to proven, or they don’t get to call it science.
Harriet: What would be great is if you knew something about Christians before you start…
Matt: It’s a fairy tale!
Harriet: No, it’s not!
Matt: We've been having this fight for six months.
Harriet: We've been having this fight for two years!
Matt: We have been having this fight in two different millennia now!
Harriet: . . .
Matt: You really would’ve thought that one of us would have won by this point.
Harriet: Oh Matt, I just love you is all. It’s okay that you’re a heathen.
Matt: Well, I appreciate that.
Harriet: Come pray with me.
Matt: . . .
Harriet: I’ll show you how. You’ll learn something new.

In stark contrast, you can watch this week's Deal or No Deal here. Or read this transcript:

Howie: I need your decision Beverly. Deal or no deal?
Beverly Futch: Howie, that's a lot of money and I ain't never had that much money and I've tried a couple times now to find that five dollars and I ain't been able to find it. If I knock out that $400,000, I'm doomed.

I think we are all doomed.

Quote of the day - random guy: "I'd be a Cubs fan for her!"

- lada exits, stage left

Wanted: Ghetto Moniker

We are heading to Atlanta this weekend with Karen for the Cubs series (suh-weet!) which got me to thinking. If:

Atlanta is "The ATL" or "Hotlanta" or "A-Town"
Las Vegas is "Sin City"
Cincinnati is "The Nati" (or sometimes "Da Nasty Nati")
Indianapolis is "The Nappy" or "Naptown"
Charlotte is "The Web"
Kansas City is "KC-Mo"
Orlando is"O-Town"
Chicago is "Chi-town"
Seattle is "Latteland"
Buffalo is "B-Lo"
Charleston is "Chucktown"
Tampa is "Tampsterdam"
St. Louis is "The Lou" or "The STL"
Dallas is "The big D"
Raleigh is "Ruff Raleigh"
Hell, even Witchita is "Ta Town"

. . .then why can't I find a über cool gangsta name for Columbia, South Carolina? Not having a stellar nickname makes the enitre city seem rather pathetic. So, put your thinking caps on homies - we need to use our brains to remedy this situation super fast.

Urban Dictionary word of the day: Puzzle Butt

- lada is a four letter word

Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble

I must change my top ten to my top eleven because I have recently discovered volcanoes. More specifically, the type that are constantly erupting! In Costa Rica we went to see Arenal Volcano. This volcano was dormant for hundreds of years until July, 1968 when it blew off the west side of the mountain and killed 87 people in the nearby villages of Pueblo Nuevo and Tabacón (where we stayed). It has been erupting every day since, typically every five or ten minutes. Major eruptions: 1968, 1975, 1984, 1993, 1996, 1998, 2000

(Love this picture, but I didn't take it.) See how it looks like it has two peaks. The right peak is the old peak and has not erupted for over 400 years (hence the green color). The left peak, where the side blew off in 1968, is only forty years old and is where all current eruptions take place. The new peak, which started as a hole at the base of the volcano, gains about two feet a year in height and has just recently surpassed the height of the older, inactive peak.Unfortunately, it tends to be super cloudy in the Volcán Arenal area, so three of the four days we were there it was hidden by rain clouds. We were lucky to get one clear morning and were able to get some great pictures and see an awesome eruption. It isn't as visually stunning during the day because the lava doesn't appear red, but it is quite awe inspiring. And more than a little alarming - the signs warning "area of high volcanic activity - enter at own risk" don't help.

For miles around you can hear the volcano making this nearly constant grumbling noise that sounds a lot like thunder. This is a recording of Arenal. If you get closer you can actually hear the plopping noises of the lava spewing out. I couldn't find any audio of the actual lava coming out but if you imagine the sound of a really fat person's thigh slapping together you are pretty close to what spewing lava sounds like. Thick and sticky.
On a note completely unrelated to fatty thighs - this is Dr. Heather with a starfish on her head during our snorkeling expedition.

If you're ever on Jeopardy: Each of the suits on a deck of cards represents the four major pillars of the economy in the middle ages: heart represented the Church, spades represented the military, clubs represented agriculture, and diamonds represented the merchant class.

- lada likes to spoon (she also likes to fork)