For Your Eyes Only

A question of hair
How much would your head of hair cost if you were going to pull a Britany and shave it off?
Karen - $150,000
Russ - No charge, I have been wanting to do it again for a while
MC - It would take a little bit
Dunce Cap Marvel - Wouldn't do it... I have an ugly head. A couple thousand, I guess.
Quique - $1000 if we're talking bic shave, $10 if it's just Timberlake short
Heather - I wouldn't do it for any amount of money - how many millions?
Matt - Relatively little, but then again I am a cheap man whore
lada - $25,000

The saddest songs ever
Dr. Harry Witchel decided to research what songs are the most heartbreaking - he claims that scientifically, these songs are more likely to bring people to tears. The tests measured heart rate, breathing and skin temperature as people listened to a variety of tear-jerkers.
The full top ten looks like this:

10. Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees
9. James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover
8. Christina Aguilera - Beautiful
7. Elvis Presley - Are You Lonesome Tonight
6. Will Young - Leave Right Now
5. Sinead O'Connor - Nothing Compares 2 U
4. Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You
3. Elton John - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
2. Robbie Williams - Angels
1. The Verve - The Drugs Don't Work

Four amusing t-shirts that I will never wear

Four amusing t-shirts for the kids

Other stuff

• My name is lada and I am a hair color addict. (I am blond again)
• Russ is getting lasik tomorrow. Yay! (This is good because it means he will no longer have to wake me up in the middle of the night to ask me what time the alarm clock says.)
• Try out this site - How many of Me - it estimates how many people in America share your same name.
• We finally started watching the Sopranos - borrowing the DVDs from our neighbor. So far have gotten through the first three seasons. Russ has taken to blurting out non sequitur Italian phrases in a bad accent. We will be driving to the mall and he'll burst out with a "fettuccine alfredo" (can you hear the awful Italian accent?) complete with the stupid hand gestures.

If you're ever on Jeopardy: If a male cat is both orange and black, it is sterile. To have both the orange and black coat colors, the male cat must have all, or part of both female X chromosomes. This unusual sex chromosome combination will render the male cat sterile.

- lada would like to thank the academy

I Embrace the Inhumanity

Sorry readers. This will be more fun for me than for you. But I need to vent. . .

• I am tired of laughing at your stupid jokes that I heard last night and last week and last year.
• I am not impressed by your knowledge of the finer things in life. I don’t like scotch or cigars or bird watching or custom made dress shirts. In fact, I think white cuffs and collars are tacky.
• Don’t have a large gyro pizza delivered to your hotel room thinking I will share it with you just because I once lived in Chicago. I ate a pizza in Chicago or a gyro in Chicago – mixing the two together in Raleigh is just dumb.
• I don’t care about the lack of dating success you have had with e-harmony. I will never care.
• I don’t have anything to say when you tell me your blood is full of cancer and that you don’t want sympathy so you aren’t telling people. Why did you tell me? What do I do with the information that the cancer will eat away at your bones until you are like your father who needed to replace both hips except that by the time you get be to his age you will be too dead to worry about needing new hips?
• I hate smelling your breath in the car because you are always talking talking talking talking.
• Don’t say you like my music when you have only heard 10 seconds of one song – and if you do like it, then quit talking talking talking talking, and listen.
• You know that video you took of me covering my face because I didn’t want you to be taking video of me – why, six months later, do you still have that saved on your phone? And what am I supposed to say when you show the video to me? Yup, that was me covering my face six months ago. I was irritated then and am even more so now.
• I hate walking out of my hotel room that is always right next to yours and saying, “Good morning!” all sing-song and cheerful like. Despite appearances, I am decidedly not excited to start our day.
• I want soft sheets, ample towels, and an alarm clock. I don’t care what a good deal we can get at a shit hotel with your fake AAA discount.
• You are not my father or brother or husband or date or friend. You are _______.

I will proably take this down in the morning.

- lada

My Corny Valentine

Just thought we needed some good wholesome fun after my last post. . .

What did the boy light bulb say to the girl light bulb on Valentine's Day?
- I wuv you watts and watts.

What did the boy snake say to the girl snake on Valentine's Day?
- Give me a hug and a hiss.

What did the little boy sheep say to the little girl sheep on Valentine's Day?
- I love ewe.

What did the little girl sheep say to the little boy sheep on Valentine's Day?
- You're not so baaaaaad yourself.

What did the boy pickle say to the girl pickle on Valentine's Day?
- You mean a great dill to me.

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus on Valentine's Day?
- I want to hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.

Is it better to write a love note on an empty stomach or on a full stomach?
- It is better to write it on paper!

What did the Valentine card say to the stamp?
- Stick with me and we'll go places.

What type of flowers should you never give on Valentine's Day?
- Cauliflowers!

If your Aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
- Aunt-elope!

If you're ever on Jeopardy: The Italian city of Verona, where Shakespeare's lovers Romeo and Juliet lived, receives about 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet every Valentine's Day.

- lada is the wind beneath your wings

Can BJ Come Out To Play?

One funny:
A text conversation with my adopted brother Quique (kee-kay). Names have been changed to protect the innocent. I did leave the guilty names in. I also fixed my spelling - I try to use proper English when texting ("i got here b4 u wher u b @" type of stuff gives me a headache) but that darn T9w always give me "on" when I want "no" and "of" when I meant "me" - so I cleaned things up a bit for the sake of my readers' understanding. Well, it isn't actually clean. . .

lada: For the record - it is 67 down here today. Need a vacation?
Quique: Not as much as I need a blow job
lada: Call Matt
Quique: Impressive. You, unlike others, are capable of thinking of someone other than Brit
lada: Give me a little credit - I am not new to this insult thing
Quique: Oh you get mad credit. Don't you worry about that. So much credit that I've hired a guy to take naked photos of you from the woods
lada: Clever lad
lada: Not to imply that getting a bj from Matt or any other man would be insulting - you can be gay if you want - I still love you
Quique: Well I appreciate your understanding with my situation
lada: Actually I don't understand - perhaps you could elaborate
Quique: I appreciate you accepting that I could be gay and someday I'm sure my partner will thank you for your compassion
lada: My inability to detect sarcasm in text messages leaves me no choice but to ask, so are you gay?
Quique: I thought this was a yet to be decided entity in the mind of you and Karen and Heather and all your little friends
lada: I can however interpret a condescending remark like "little friends"- implying we are a flock of hens clucking about whom you blow
lada: Squawk
Quique: To quote the foremost literary genius of our times, Marshall Mathers, I am whatever you say I am
Quique: Except that you obviously don't blow, hence Matt's glorious entry into our conversation
lada: I don't blow or you don't blow?
Quique: You don't. I'm in question?
lada: I blow like a freaking hurricane
Quique: A hurricane named Ditka?
lada: Oh no you didn't bring da coach into this!
Quique: That isn't the next line...
lada: I do not know the next line nor what I'd be quoting if I did
Quique: You'd be quoting SNL. Bears vs a hurricane named Ditka? Ditka
lada: So you are saying you want to blow Ditika?
Quique: You're getting warmer...
lada: The entire Bears team! Or maybe just the defense? Or an actual bear - a grizzly? Mmm, inter-species erotica. So hot
lada: Not to imply that getting a bj from a bear would be insulting - you can love animals if you want - I still love you
Quique: Bears do lick a lot. If you're into licking
lada: Duh
Quique: Sick
lada: Prude
Quique: Slut. Well, married slut.
lada: At least I didn't sleep with an entire defensive line like you
Quique: This is Quique, not Brit*

*I repeat, this was not the real name used. . . I promise.

One not so funny:
A 17 year old, high school boy from Georgia was sentenced to 10 years in prison for receiving oral sex from a 15 year old girl. She initiated the act. She performed the act. She said in court it was all her own doing, he did nothing. He got 10 years in jail. I understand that just because a man does nothing, he is not excused from blame - a 40 year old man had better stop a 15 year old girl who tries to initiate a sexual act - but these were kids, only two years apart. The law was written to stop pedophiles, not horny teenagers.
The weird part is, if they had had actual sex, it would have been a misdemeanor instead of a felony. WORSE - If she had gotten pregnant he couldn't legally have been charged with ANY crime. You see, then they would have been procreating like good little boys and girls, the way God intended, rather than just having sex for the pleasure of it like heathens. Separation of church and state much?

The prosecutor offered him a plea - five years with the possibility of parole - but he would have been branded a sex offender and if paroled, would not have been able to return to his own home because of a young sister.
The state legislature has since changed the law (specifically because of this kid's case) but for some reason they didn't make it retroactive - so he still has to serve his time.
He appealed to the Georgia Supreme Court. They voted to uphold the ruling 4 to 3.

Ten freaking years in federal prison. How many of you got head when you were in high school? If you didn't it wasn't from lack of trying. Bet it wasn't worth ten freaking years.

If you're ever on Jeopardy: Banging your head against a wall burns about 150 calories an hour.

- lada bites the bullet

Random Thoughts

This might mean something in five or so years

Let's say I have a child.
Let's say Russ and I both work, so we have that child in daycare.
Let's say that child takes his first steps while at daycare - or perhaps says his first word. Do I want them to tell me, the busy earning a living parent, that I missed that moment in my child's life? Or do they not tell me, and when I hear that first "mama," experience the joy of (what I wrongly assume is) the first word mumbled by the fruit of my loins? (Do women have loins or does that just refer to men?)

Is that just the price we pay for choosing to work? There are sacrifices either way.

But what if only one parent is working out of the house - is it better to call Russ at work and tell him Battle just took his first step, or do I not tell him and let the proud papa have that experience for himself when they have time together on the weekend?

Are firsts just over rated?

Quote of the day - Debbie: "You are going to gorilla hell!"

- lada breathes into a paper bag

Go Bears