Welcome to the Boys' Club:
DCM: I'm throwing myself back out there. Scholarly bachelordom is overrated.
LADA: Your commitment to scholarly bachelordom only lasted three days
DCM: It's in indefinite status. I reserve the right to resume on short notice.
LADA: Are scholars allowed to be so wishy-washy with their scholarly pursuits?
DCM: Are you naming me a dilettante? For shame! I will maintain my pursuits; I'm simply adding other, more prurient interests.
DCM: The quest for companionship does not preclude "to thine own self be true."
LADA: Said interests can always be used as research for you to write the next great American love story (à la your new favorite novel, A Farewell to Arms) once you have reverted back to your typically antisocial ways.
LADA: Did you meet someone to instigate this change of heart?
DCM: Not yet. Just trying to be more social.
LADA: Well, go get 'em tiger (hearty slap on the back). The ladies better watch out! You old devil, you (fake jab to the chin).
DCM: ...
LADA: What? Is that not how bachelors talk to each other now? I guess I need to brush-up on my lingo...
LADA: Play on, playa! 'Dem bitches be scared of what white boy gonna give 'em from behind, yo! (doing the "Superman" dance)
LADA: Better?
DCM: I'm so uncomfortable right now.
Welcome to the Girls' Club:
WORRIED S.: Dear Period - I know that my womb is a sick place to hang out. But OB is throwing an off the wall party in my vagina! It's gonna be tight! Hope you drop by... -- S.
PERIOD: Dear S. - Sorry I'm late, but I'm so there! Holla! P.S. YOU'RE NOT PREGGERS! Love always, P
WORRIED S.: Dear Period - A week is pretty freaking late! I was starting to worry that one of those nasty little womb demons had kidnapped you! But I'm glad you finally made it! -- S.
PERIOD: Dear S. - My bad on the tardiness. I just got the vibe over the years that you really didn't look forward to my visits. It is nice to feel wanted again! Love always, P
101 Things to do (or don't) before you die - #37:
Do make fire without matches.
Don't think of Paul Winchell as just a ventriloquist.
- lada is deep like a cemetery
- lada is deep like a cemetery
2 comments:
AWESOME. Just generally awesome. All around. The Superman dance and vagina parties. Fantastic stuff.
lada-
glad you enjoyed my texts! here's a little follow-up i have entitled
WHY I SHOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN:
the other night i had to sprint to the store at 11:55 pm in pjs and flips...for cat food... as i jogged through the door, the manager reminded me that they were closing in 5 minutes. yeah, yeah, yeah. so i grabbed the $1.99 box of purina and then proceeded to pay with quarters...because i had no cash and i forgot my card. the manager looked at me and said, "life's like that, huh?" jesus, i can't even take care of a cat, let alone a baby. that, and i drink like a fish...a fish that drinks A LOT of vodka...no thank you, fetal alcohol syndrome!
-s
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