The Stars are Aligned

Having finished Blindness (damn good novel) last week, I called Matt hoping for a book recommendation because he has excellent literary taste. I've heard a couple people recommend author Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club) in the past, but I had never picked up any of his stuff. So, when Matt advised I try his fourth book, Choke, ("A dark comedy about sexual addiction, chocolate pudding, religious relics and the Heimlich Maneuver.") I decide to try it. Yes, I am going to go to the book store and buy this book - UNTIL (play sinister music: Dun Dun DUUN): The next day we were waiting for a table at Wild Wings and as I idly flipped through the local paper, I came across the Astrology Section. This is what I read:

ARIES (March 21-April 19): I was at an airport bookstore. A businessman near me plucked Chuck Palahniuk's Haunted from the shelf and said to his companion, "I've heard this book makes some people actually vomit. Listen to this passage." He read it aloud. It was about a guy who eats 10 freeze-dried turkey dinners and dies when his stomach literally explodes. Moments after reciting this gruesome tale, the businessman collapsed and went into convulsions. I knelt down and cradled his head. A saleswoman called paramedics, and 15 minutes later he was fine. "That never happened to me before," he said. "I don't have epilepsy. It must have been a reaction to what I read." The moral of the story, Aries: Words will have a potent effect on you in the coming days. You should therefore surround yourself not with Palahniuk-type curses but with good news and uplifting stories and people who dispense articulate blessings.

(No shit)
Hmmm...
This of course means I now must purchase every book Chuck Palahniuk has ever written and read them to see if anything funky happens. I will keep you, brave reader, posted.

Unrelated side note - My pilot light is out and will not stay lit for more than ten minutes. I dislike cold showers and so I haven't taken one lately. Good thing someone is coming to fix it today.

If you're ever on Jeopardy: A very colorful phrase, one needs to be careful when using "balls to the wall". Although its real origin is very benign, most people assume it is a reference to testicles. In fact it is from fighter planes. The "balls" are knobs atop the plane's throttle control. Pushing the throttle all the way forward, to the wall of the cockpit, is to apply full throttle.

- lada will charm your pants off