T.I.L. (This is lada)

My life has been fairly dull lately, hence the lack of new posts. So, since I have no interesting rants, I am going to give you a story from my past. To the best of my knowledge, I have never told this story to anyone, ever. In fact I am not so sure about telling it to you now. . . ah screw it, I was only six, you can't judge me.

I always wanted to be a doctor. As far back as I can remember, I was interested in the human body and how it functioned. This meant that in high school I took the advanced science classes like microbiology. However, in first grade, kids are still learning how to read and there is not a lot of focus on exploring the human body - so I was left to explore on my own. (You can tell it is going to be messy just from that last sentence, right?)
I'm not sure if was premeditated; if I had deliberately sought a container. Or, perhaps the circumstances were just right for my six-year-old brain to say "Eureka, I've got a great idea!" Either way, I ended up in the bathroom with an empty Tic Tac container. (Oh yes, fearless reader, it is going to be B-A-D, bad.)
Now my idea was to take home a small sample of pee and study it. Let me repeat that. My idea was to take home a small sample of pee and study it. So, I filled the Tic Tac container, finished up, snuck back into the classroom ninja style palming the little plastic container (although, for someone who is six, palming probably means I had it in a tight little fist hidden behind my back), went to the back of the class where the coats and mittens were, and tucked the pee-filled container safely into the front pocket of my first grade backpack thinking, "I am awesome!"
At the end of the school day, I grabbed my pack, threw it onto my back, ran to the bus, tossed it onto the bus seat and sat down next to it to wait for my stop.
I rode the bus home as normal - probably joined all the other kids in singing whatever song came on the radio. Usually it was the Beach Boys' song "Kokomo." All the kids on the bus loved when that song came on; we all sang at the top of our lungs, "Arbua, Jamaica, ooo I wanna take you to Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama. Key Largo, Montego. . ." Oops, here's my stop.
I noticed, as I hopped off the bus in front of my house, that my backpack was now wet and stinking of urine. Not good. My faithful Tic Tac container had betrayed me and leaked; how unfortunate for me. I walked into the house to face my mom. This was not going to be fun. I played out a few scenarios out in my head:

Mom: Why does your backpack smell like pee?
little lada: I wanted to study my urine so I can be a doctor when I grow up. I took a small sample of pee and kept it in an empty Tic Tac container. Unfortunately, it leaked. Perhaps you could provide me with some more acceptable equipment so in the future I can run my experiments without any more of these issues.
Mom: That was dumb. What is wrong with you?

I knew that scenario wasn't going to work out well at all. Hell, at that point, even I knew I was an idiot. This is what I said instead:

Mom: Why does your backpack smell like pee?
little lada: (In the saddest six-year-old voice) I had to go on the bus but I didn't want to go on the seat cause everyone would see and would make fun of me, so I sat on my backpack and peed there. (tear)
Mom: Oh! You poor thing, come here and give me a hug.

Looking back on this story now, I think my mom must have known something was up. For one thing, my pants were completely dry making the "feel sorry for me because I wet myself" story a little tough to swallow. Plus there was the oddly damp Tic Tac container in the front pocket. But she never called me out on it - what a good Mom. I suppose in the end it is probably better that I did not become a doctor, eh?

- lada needs to be excused