Nerves of Pudding

Heather and Stacy and I are taking a trip. To Latin America. Why aren't we going to Orlando like all the other normal tourists, you ask? Because we are adventure seekers! (Or something like that.) Actually I am a bit nervous about my approaching trip to Costa Rica.

Vaccines the Center for Disease Control recommends:
Hepatitis A
Hepatitis B
Malaria
Rabies
Typhoid
Yellow Fever
Tetanus booster
Measles booster

Of course I didn't get any of these vaccines. Why? I am lada (read: an idiot). I laugh in the face of danger and disease. Hahahaha! Of course, if I swallow a mosquito while I am laughing hysterically, I am screwed. . .
In reality, I am not going to have sex with any of the locals so we can rule out Hep. B. I will wear insect repellent (they still sell it with DEET down there, whoopee!) so rule out Yellow Fever and Malaria. I will definitely be sticking to bottled water so knock off Hep. A and Typhoid. I don't plan on getting close enough to any of the monkeys to let them bite me which takes care of Rabies and Tetanus. And anything that is left, I am going to leave in the very capable hands of the two medical doctors who are going to be sharing my hotel room. (On that note, Heather is graduating this weekend - she is a rock star. Maybe, if I get the Typhoid, I can be her first official patient as an M.D. What a story to tell our grandchildren, Heed!)

A description of the driving conditions in Costa Rica:

. . . driving in Costa Rica is for people with nerves of steel. The roads vary from good (the Interamericana) to barely passable (just about everywhere else). Even the good ones can suffer from landslides, sudden flooding and fog. Most roads are single lane and winding, lacking hard shoulders; others are dirt-and-mud affairs that climb mountains and traverse rivers.
Drive defensively. Always expect to come across a cyclist, a broken-down vehicle, a herd of cattle, slow-moving trucks or an ox cart around the next bend. Unsigned speed bumps are placed on some stretches of road without warning. (The locals lovingly refer to them as muertos, ‘dead people.’)
Most roads are inadequately signed and will require at least one stop to ask for directions. Always ask about road conditions before setting out; a number of roads become impassable in the rain.

The problem with this is the first sentence, "driving in Costa Rica is for people with NERVES OF STEEL." Umm, do you people know me? I do not have any nerves when it comes to driving in the rain. Especially at night, in the fog, on one-lane, winding mountain roads. I need a drink just thinking about it. And drinking probably won't help the overall situation. Did I mention cell phones don't work. Sweet life.

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh Crap
Scorpions, tarantulas, snakes, and even frogs.

Different kind of frogs, for example a small red one, are poisonous and should not be touched. If it should happen by accident, do not touch your mucous membranes of the eye, mouth or nose which can absorb the poison. Be sure to wash your hands well after being in the wild.

Did I mention the tarantulas? So, this is what it boils down to for me. . .

What a choice. We are leaving on Wednesday (so say your final farewells before we go) and after ten days in Costa Rica, a stop in South Bend to play bridesmaid, and another stop in Indianapolis for the Indy 500, I will be getting home on Memorial Day.

If you're ever on Jeopardy: In the interest of science, researches exposed their chests, arms and legs to a swarm of mosquitoes. They recorded as many as 9,000 bites per person, per minute. At that rate, an unprotected person would lose about half of his blood supply in two hours.

- lada's the sound that's buzzing 'round your head